Crisis

It’s good to be at school sometimes; having girlfriends hooked up with me all the time and some hot guys to seduce.  People may call me a trouble kid, but I couldn’t care less.  It is about time I have to live my own life, not according to the rules.  I know my label; Shim Ae Rin, the trouble-maker.  I don’t give a shit.  Blame my non-Asian background.

                Now I’m trapped in Korea, schooling at an international school somewhere around Seoul called Seoul International School.  Since it is an international school, it could have been more ‘global’, except that most of the teachers are Asians and pretty much still up to the old-styled manners from decades ago.  But, friends are still cool.

                I have a hot Head Boy here at my school.  His name is Kim Kibum, but he prefers people calling him Key.  Sounds more friendly, that’s what he told the students during his Election Day and that explains a lot why most of the school voted him, since most of us are girls here.  I also have a handsome junior here.  He might look cute, but is very bold and manly especially when he starts his slick dancing movements.  I swear I can die because of this kid named Lee Taemin.  And there is a prince charming too.  Well, not really a prince, but he’s basically the most popular guy in school.  His glance can really make girls gone wild and crazy.  Kim Jonghyun is worshipped by most of the girls around the school and his best friend apparently shares the fame.  Choi Minho, Jonghyun’s best friend, also the School’s Captain, is one of the hotties at school.  But, sorry, I don’t find him hot, because I know him well, since young.  He is my childhood friend.

                Those people really make my life happy at school, especially when they are playing hard to get and there is a mountain of jealousy among the girls for wanting them as at least their friends.  And the most important is I’m not included.

                “Hey there, Trouble!  How are you today?” I stop walking.  That must be Minho.  He is the only one in this entire world calling me ‘Trouble’.

                “Well, fine thanks, Mean-ho,” I roll my eyes.

                “Hey, come on.  It’s a bright day and why are you so moody?  PMS-ing?” Minho asks again.

                “Dude, you don’t have to ask that question to a girl.  Whether it is my time of the month or not is none of your business.  Or you don’t really want to celebrate Father’s Day, do you?” I reply him sarcastically.

                “Whoa, whoa!  Ae Rin, chill.  What’s up, really?” he asks while kicking a pebble into a drain by the side of a road.  Walking to school is my best time ever, especially when I have my childhood friend by my side.

                “I fought with mom again.  She wants me to focus on my Biology and take either Anatomy or Medicine in university.  But, I like doing English Literature and apparently that is the only paper I scored well,” I sigh.

                “Typical Asian, isn’t it?  Most parents in Asia take careers in Science field to be very future-guaranteed.  It is either doctor, engineer or scientist.  Or you might as well choose to involve in Social Science.  Be a lawyer or accountant or entrepreneur.  That’s Asian’s parents if you want to know.  Why did you move back here anyway?  You could just stay in United States and it is more liberal there.  You can have a job for literature,” Minho says.

                “It doesn’t make any difference, Minho.  Even if I stay there, my parents are still Asian,” I say.

                “At least you can convince them that you are going to enrol in university and do well in getting a well-paid job there.  Literature is not insignificant in the US,” Minho goes.

                “I don’t know,” I say as both of us enter the school’s gate.

                “Well, you know what?  Just do well in SAT and you can make your way to universities and colleges in America and stay there, get a job and live well,” Minho suggests.

                “Thanks, Minho for your brilliant suggestion but live there alone by myself?” I ask.

                “I don’t see any problem.  You lived there for five years since you were seven and you have friends there.  Or else the trouble-maker is now afraid of trouble,” Minho teases me.

                “Mean-ho, it is not my problem.  It is my parents’.  They won’t allow,” I say.

                “So, parents again, huh?” he says while shrugging.  I shake my head.  We climb the stairs together.

                “Oh well, you are early today, trouble-maker.  Thanks for making me not to waste my ink writing your name in the discipline book,” someone is saying just as we reach the topmost floor where our class is.

                “Oh, you’re welcome, Key,” I say.

                “What makes you left your house early?” he asks.

                “Don’t ask,” I go.

                “Well, I can answer that for you.  She fought with her mom over this sickly decision-making in her future career and she left early because she apparently doesn’t want to become a doctor as instructed,” Minho goes in one breath.

                “Thanks, Minho,” says Key and he resumes, “I’m sorry for you.  Looks like our trouble-maker is now in trouble.”

                “I’m in no mood to joke,” I say while opening my locker.

                “Well that’s bad.  I’m in mood to joke,” Key says.

                “Well, I think she just made herself clear, Key and seriously, it is no joke when she said she is in no mood to joke.  Unless you really can stand being kicked in your ‘ahem’ and won’t celebrate Father’s Day in the future, you can resume your joke,” Minho warns Key.  I roll my eyes.

                “Oh, come one.  She is not that bad, isn’t she?  I know Ae Rin, and she is quite a good girl... except for her obsession in making trouble,” Key says and Minho laughs.

                “You know what the best part is?  The irony.  It is weird to see you and Ae Rin are close to each other because she is a trouble-maker and you are a freaking nerd rules-follower who memorises all the school’s rules in the handbook,” Minho says as he looks at his timetable.

                “Whoa!  Ae Rin, don’t you think Minho is being mean here?” asks Key.

                “Always,” I say.

                “Hey yo!  What’s up, dudes?” Jonghyun says from far and stops when he sees me, “Well, and dudette?”

                Taemin is following right behind him.  Looks like the boy is having trouble in running away from some girls who stalk him.  It is good to know that Jonghyun is there to help him.  Minho and Key greet him back, while I just smirk at him.

                “I’m pretty sure that Ae Rin is having a bad day but I’m not gonna ask why Ae Rin.  I still want to celebrate Father’s Day,” Jonghyun says while walking towards his locker.

                “Thanks, Jonghyun,” I roll my eyes.

                “You’re very much welcomed,” he says as he opens his lockers, “Oh!  Not again!” he sighs.

                “What?  Another pink roses?” asks Key.  All of us try to steal a glance to what some unknown chick has been putting inside Jonghyun’s locker.

                “No, but another pink teddy.  You want it Ae Rin?” he asks while showing me the pink teddy that is holding a red heart written there ‘I love you’. I snort.

                “No, thanks,” I say.

                “But, I want it,” Taemin interrupts.

                “What for, Taemin?” asks Minho.

                “For my girlfriend,” Taemin says boldly.

                “Okay!  You can have it.  But, just don’t tell her that it is from a girl, okay?” Jonghyun throws the teddy towards Taemin and he catches it neatly.

                                The next thing I know is we are having assembly at the hall and the principal are talking about something to do with a new teacher.  It is not that I care.  Since I’m sitting quite at the back of the lines of students, I sneakily read a Shakespeare play instead of listening to a speech not so important in my life.  That’s how I live anyway.

                “Mr. Lee Jinki will be teaching English Literature for Grade 9.  Please welcome him and treat him well,” says the Principal and my head immediately shoots up to look at the stage to respond to the words ‘English Literature’.

                I see a young teacher on the stage, nodding to the Principal’s gesture.  He looks so neat and handsome in his shirt and tie and a pair of slack pants.  Almost perfect except that he is too, an Asian.  Small eyes and all features exhibited by him shows that he is a Korean.  But, something about him just touches my heart.

                “What was his name again?” I ask my girlfriend beside me.

                “Mr. Lee Jinki,” Ji Hyun answers.

                “Another hottie here,” I say while smirking.  Eun Byul’s eyes widen at me and Ji Hyun’s jaw is left hanging in the air while Bo Mi is about to protest.  However, a teacher who happens to be near hushes us and all my girlfriends shut their mouths.

                “It is impossible, Ae Rin!  He is a teacher and you are a student.  You can’t hit on him.  Student-teacher’s relationship is not encouraged,” says Bo Mi after the assembly.

                “I didn’t say I want to hit on him.  I just said that he is hot, that’s all,” I go.

                “Yes, you said he is hot and that shows the tendency of you to hit on him since girls are usually hitting on hot guys,” Bo Mi gives her experience-related theory.

                “I ask you one thing, Bo Mi.  Have I ever said that Jonghyun, Key and Taemin are hot?” she nods and I resume, “Then did you, by any chance, see me hitting on them?”

                “No,” she answers.  I shrug at her.

                “Your theory is wrong again Bo Mi,” Eun Byul says.

                “And one more thing, we’re not like you.  By the way, this morning, Jonghyun got a pink teddy.  Looks like you have a new rival Bo Mi,” Ji Hyun says and laughs.  Bo Mi rolls her eyes.

                “Okay, girlfriends.  We’re getting late here.  Let’s go for class!” I say and leave them.

                School is okay for the whole day, it is normal.  I tripped a teacher again and even poured a glass of water onto a guy who was trying very hard to seduce me.  Fun, but not naughty enough.  Now, I am on my way home bringing back some homework to be done at home.  I go down the stairs taking two steps at a time.

                When I reach the ground floor, the elevator which happens to be just next to the stairs opens, and revealing someone I just thought to forget.  The new teacher.

                “Hi...” he says.

                “Oh, you mean bye,” I go.

                “Well, yes.  See ya!” he says and coolly walks away.  I just know that I am feeling this little furious-heart-beating moment.  I watch him until he disappear.

                “What is this feeling?” I monologue.

                Evidently, that particular moment in my life really drives me crazy.  I don’t just look at him as a hottie, I have a crush on him.  I curse myself.  Just imagine.  Whenever he sees me he will greet me and smiles with his eyes narrowing into a shape of crescent and honestly, that drives me nuts.  He will at least say ‘Hi’ or if I’m quite far from him he will always smile a very sincere smile.  It is a lie if I say I don’t feel anything.

                And it happens again.  I am having my free period now and I am going down to the library on the second floor.  Oh yes, students cannot use the elevator, only teachers are allowed, thus I have no choice except to take the stairs.  When I am about to go down, I meet Mr. Lee who is also on his way down.  He looks at me and I look at him too.  Well, it is more like looking awkwardly to each other.  Then, I go down the stairs and he takes the elevator.

                The moment I reach the second floor, the elevator opens as well.  Oh, cool!  The teacher again.  My heart won’t listen to me and keeps on beating as though it really wants to be out of my chest.

                “Ay, hi!” he greets.

                “Hi...” I say, failing my attempt to act natural.

                “I should have walked with you.  It seems like we reach the second floor at the same time.  The elevator is slow apparently,” he says.

                “Oh, yeah...you should have walked with me,” I say.  Then, we bid each other goodbye and I walk to the library while he walks to the opposite path.

                ‘Mr. Lee Jinki, you are driving me crazy!’ I whisper in my heart.

                I just love the way he does everything.  The way he stands at the door, holding it while greets his student one by one when they are entering his class.  I also love the way he rolls up his sleeve up to his elbow when he feels the weather is slightly hot.  I love the way he is very punctual for his class.  I love the way he teaches literature in class.  I also love the way he speaks very coolly with students.

                In short, I LOVE him the way he is.

                “Yah!  Are you staring at Mr. Lee?” Minho surprises me.

                “Shhh!  Too loud, Minho.  Is it wrong anyway?” I ask him, feeling the utter embarrassment as I am caught red-handed.

                “No, it’s not.  It’s creepy, the way you stare at him.  It seems like you want him in your room tonight,” Minho says nonchalantly.

                “Well, Minho.  You’re a bit too much now,” I say.

                “What?  I am right, right?  You like him?” Minho asks me.  That ties my tongue and I lose words for a few seconds.

                “Well...no.  I just-”

                “Don’t worry.  Go ahead.  You can like him.  He’s hot anyway.  Who doesn’t like him?  At least I know you’re a normal girl,” Minho says.

                “I’m not-”

                “I’m your friend since you’re young.  You’d cried, laughed, and pouted, everything, in front of me.  I know you, Ae Rin,” he says.  I fall into silent again.  He’s true.  There’s no use lying to Minho.  He knows everything about me.

                “You won’t tell anybody, will you?” I ask him.  He sits beside me.

                “How long have you known me?” he asks.

                “A few years?”

                “More than a decade, Ae Rin.  Throughout that time, did I, ever, leak any secret of yours?” he asks me.

                “No,” I say.

                “Then, it’s the same.  I’m still the same Minho.  I won’t leak any of your secret,” he says gently.  That pretty much calm me down.

                “Thanks, Minho,” I say.

                “No biggie.  Anyway, if you want me to say anything regarding you to him, I can do it.  He is my curriculum advisor,” Minho informs me with a smirk.

                “No!  Don’t tell anything to him, Minho.  It will be awkward between us,” I say.  Minho chuckles.

                “Then, I’ll teach you how to seduce a guy,” he says.

                “No!  No!  Seriously, Minho.  No.  You won’t do anything.  Moreover, Bo Mi told me something that is realistic anyway.  He is a teacher and I’m a student.  Student-teacher’s relationship is not encouraged,” I say.

                “Well...not encouraged doesn’t mean it is not allowed,” Minho makes a statement.

                “Ermmm...point taken but, just be realistic.  He won’t like me like I do like him.  He is a Literature teacher, with a Master Degree and I’m what?  Not even a Bachelor Degree holder,” I say, crushing the hope myself.

                “You know what? Love doesn’t really need any status of academic or sports or anything.  You just need to love someone the way he or she is.  So, there is still possibility that he might like you as well, despite you’re a high school student,” says Minho.

                “Thanks, Minho.  But, I don’t really like to put the hope up high.  And I don’t want to be called to the Principal’s office just because I’m in love with a teacher.  I’m not problematic in that way,” I tell him.

                “Well...just in case if you get him, we’re not gonna spend our time together that frequent anymore, right?” he asks me and this time, a pure sincere sorrow is evident in his eyes.

                I know that Minho is my childhood friend and is always there for me.  He understands me the most and supports me in most circumstances.  I appreciate his presence in my life or else it would be less meaningful.  Nevertheless, he needs to know that once I find a guy that will be my whole-life partner and when that time comes, we won’t spend as much time together as well.

                I could feel that we’re drifting apart.  We often walk together before and after school.  However, now I would rather stay at school doing homework until Mr. Lee Jinki goes home.  I just want to see him, no, maximising my time seeing him per day.  Sounds creepy?  I know, but this is me when I start to like someone.  Call me stalker, I don’t care.  I can’t say I love him, so I’ll just look at him from far to be happy.

                However, the more I like the teacher, the more hurt I am.  It is a very heart-clenching and shoulder-slumping feeling I’ve been through now.  And I have to admit it is rather unpleasant.  I see him from far, and as usual I like his style and the way he behaves.  I love him.  But, Mr. Lee Jinki never really looks at me as more than just a student.  And I’m being ridiculous.  I shouldn’t hope.

                It is hurting me when I see he smiles to the other students as well.  It is my fault.  I’m crazy over someone that is almost impossible to like me back.  What do I expect?  An anime story to happen?  Or something as childish as a fairytale will happen?  I’m totally insane now.  He is not mine for I should feel jealous when he speaks to other students.  He can smile to anyone and he can speak to anyone.  He has his own right on doing anything he likes because for God’s sake, I don’t own him.  I’m being totally delusional.

                It is Tuesday and I have sports after school.  I like badminton so I choose to play badminton.  Well, at least that is the only sport that I know exactly how to play.  That is the only one sport that I know all the rules.  So, badminton, it is.

                My girlfriends and I play double.  Ji Hyun with me, while, Eun Byul is partnered with Bo Mi.  I release all my feelings towards my game and I could tell that I play it very aggressively.

                “Are you okay, Ae Rin?” asks Ji Hyun.  I nod while my eyes look at Minho who is smashing the shuttlecocks towards his opponent’s court.  Well-played, Minho.

                “Something is distracting you, isn’t it?  You know, you can always share it with us,” Bo Mi says gently.

                “Nothing,” I say weakly.

                “Well...is it about Mr. Lee?” Eun Byul asks.  I keep quiet.  There’s silence around us and I couldn’t avoid the awkwardness in it.

                “I dunno,” I say.

                “Okay, it is about Mr. Lee.  Tell us about it,” asks Bo Mi.  I breathe in.

                “I dunno.  I’m being stupid.  It is wrong to love a teacher,” I say.

                “It is not wrong, Ae Rin.  You have your right to like anybody,” Ji Hyun says.

                “Well, I’m being ridiculous.  Mr. Lee won’t like me back.  I saw him talking to other students as well.  I should just forget my feelings towards him,” I say.

                Eun Byul tries to console me, “Ae Rin-”

                “Let’s get back to game,” I say.

                I play; hit the shuttlecock, shout, and smash the shuttlecock to my opponent.  I do everything that can release my feelings.  Half the game, Minho sits beside my court and watches me all the time.  I don’t care about it.  I keep playing until half my energy is gone.

                “Hey, Ae Rin,” Minho goes.

                “Yes?”

                “I’m going home, okay?” he says.  I nod and he resumes, “See ya!”

                I watch he walks away.  But, after a while, I run after him.

                “Hey, Minho.  I...I just wanna say goodbye too,” I say and he looks at me, knowing that I want to say more than that.

                “What is it, Ae Rin?  Really?” he asks.

                “It has been a long time since the last time a person said ‘See ya!’ to me,” I tell him.  He sighs and he walks to me.  He holds my shoulder gently.

                “You’re really sad, aren’t you?” he asks.

                I only look at him without any words.  But, he understands.  He smiles a very soothing smile.

                “Nevermind.  See ya tomorrow.  I’ll wait for you in front of your gate and we’ll walk together to school.  Tell me everything then, okay?” he ruffles my hair, “See ya!”

                That’s all.  He leaves me alone while I’m madly in love with a teacher.

                But, after all, Minho understands me the most.