Chemical Bonding

IB sucks.

                That is what Stephanie thinks.  She doesn’t know why she even chooses this Pre-University course in the first place.  Because of her father and mother?  Yeah, that might be the most honest answer she could think of.  Stephanie would just call it Idiot Baccalaureate, rather than being a fake smartass and call it International Baccalaureate.  Her life is so fucked up.

                When she first came to the school for registration, with her mommy and daddy of course, she thought she might love this programme one day.  Pfffttt, in your dream Steph, this is what she is able to think now.  The course she decided to take nine months ago is now sucking her own soul out of her body.  She feels more and more lifeless as time passes by.

                Tomorrow is the test, and Stephanie doesn’t even prepare for it.  She blames the workload that has been put on her for the past few months.  The teachers are merciless, no scratch that, the programme is merciless.  She has gotten too much things on her hands to handle before this two-year Pre-U programme ends.  She has to complete so much IAs, or those so-called Internal Assessments for four subjects and she has been rehearsing so many times for her Individual Oral Presentation (IOP) for her two language’s subjects. English A1, or English Literature, Spanish ab initio, Economics, Chemistry, Physics and Maths, they are all pressing her down.

                When she meets her old friends, they ask, why does she takes too many subjects.  She would answer, the fucking programme make it compulsory for her.  Why does she take the course then?  Because mom and dad say so.

                The fucking IB Diploma Programme makes the students take subjects range from six groups: Language and Literature, Second Language, Individuals and Societies, Experimental Science, Mathematics and Computer Science and The Arts.  Very unfortunately, the school doesn’t offer The Arts and she ends up taking another subject from Experimental Science.  Why?  He parents say so.  She definitely hates her precious life now.

                Her parents demand so much from her.  She has to score at least 35 out of 45 points for her IB Programme.  Full point for each subject is seven, and she has to score at least 6 for each, to meet the cut-off point set by her parents, and of course she must score full three points for her Extended Essay and Theory of Knowledge essay.  Stephanie has to admit that she has such a miserable life.

                Tomorrow comes, and she answers the questions half-heartedly.  She doesn’t intended to score any of the paper, just a pass will do.  She doesn’t expecting too much from herself and she knows her parents will be very disappointed.  She feels tired, she feels like she can’t do it anymore, she feels like giving up and she feels like ending up her own life even.  When the results are out, she is failing and she really feels regret.  Regret for scoring so low, regret for not trying her best earlier, regret for joining the IB pre-university programme and most of all regret for not committing suicide earlier.  Now she has to face the teacher that is very concern about her own survival in that programme.

                “Steph, what happen to you?  I thought you are a smart student, but are failing, now.  You know that you are now considered as one of the weak students, right?” says her coordinator.

                “I wasn’t ready for the exam-”

                “Why?” Stephanie could sense rage in his voice.

                “I-there are too many workloads on me.  You know, the teacher gave us too many homework and assignments, all due before exam, and you’re expecting me to study at the same time.  Seriously, 24 hours are not enough for me these days,” Stephanie replies, feeling annoyed.

                “I believe that’s your problem.  You should have a proper time management,” the man in front of her says.

                “I-I...Just give me time.  I just need that,” Stephanie says with much hatred towards her life now.

“Sure.  I can give you time.  You have to improve by the next exam 2 months from now,” he says.

                “But, Mr. Shin-”

                “No, but.  You’ll be included in the mentor and mentee programme with the other weak students.  I’ll pin up the list of the mentors and mentees very soon so that you and the others could find who among the seniors are your mentors,” he says and Stephanie makes her way out of the room.  She knows that from today onwards, her life is going to be sucks.

                When the day Mr. Shin announces that the lists are pinned up on the notice board, Stephanie feels very nervous.  Why?  Because she has to now put her life into studying?  No, not because of that.  Then, is it because she is nervous seeing her own name in the lists of failing students?  No, she doesn’t even care at the first place.  Then what?  Perhaps it is because she is nervous of who is going to be her mentor.  Yes, that’s the most suitable answer.  Will it be he or she?  Or will it be strict or gentle?  Will it be a geek or just a simple plain smartass?  Thinking of that, she runs her finger on the list.

                Dub.  Dub.  Dub.

                There she goes...

                What the hell?

                Mentee: Stephanie Lee; Mentor: KIM JONGHYUN.

                “What the fuck is this?” she mutters under her breath and swallows hard.  It shouldn’t be him.  She doesn’t really know him in the first place.  She just knows that he is one of the five popular guys in school.  People always talk about them.  SHINee, that’s what the teachers and the juniors call them, because they are total smartasses that always shine so bright.  They are a bunch of seniors that Stephanie never wants to have business with, since they are all busy and talented and damn intelligent.  Students who are put under them are usually the worst one among the worst.  She doesn’t care her ranking, honestly, but SHINee?  She doesn’t want to involve with them in the first place.

                “I know he is among the SHINee, but I don’t know who exactly who among the five,” she whines.  Her friend, Claire, shrugs.

                “I’m not so sure about that too.  You know this school consists of thousands of students that it will take me more than two years to get to know them.  But, yeah...I think Kim Jonghyun sunbae is the shortest one among SHINee.  That’s what I heard people always talk about.  I never once see them in person though,” Claire says.  Okay...that’s ‘informative’ enough, because Stephanie had once saw SHINee at the cafeteria.

                But, seriously the shortest one?  Last time she saw them, the shortest one was the one with the least smile.  He also had a very strict and cold face and the sharp facial features just make it even scarier to look at that fierce face of him.  He had this leadership look on him and sort of don’t-mess-up-with-me look that he seemed to be wearing all the time.  And now, she is going to work with him?  Hell no!  That’s scary.  What if he scolds her for being stupid?  What if he cannot tolerate a slow person like her?  What if he would just help her to commit suicide because he doesn’t want her as a mentee?

                When the day of their first meeting comes, she feels shaky from head to toe.  Meeting place, library, that’s what she’d been told by the teacher just now.  She walks to the library and to the discussion room.

                Dub.  Dub.  Dub.

                She swallows hard and raises her hand and curls it into fist.

                One...two...three...

                Knock.  Knock.  She knocks on the door.

                “Come in,” a very sweet, husky voice is heard and her heart beats even faster.  He does have a good voice, not a voice of fierce dinosaur, she thinks.

                She slowly opens the door and steps inside.  But, she stops at her first step and stunned by the sight in front of her.  A face, a very tender face, although without a smile, is looking at her with his assuring big eyes.  She is amazed at how small they guy is and yet, he gives a natural vibes of confidence to her.

                “K-Kim J-Jonghyun sunbae...” she stutters in greeting him and she bows to show her respect to her mentor.

                “Yes, come in and sit down,” he says, very gently.

                Stephanie carefully steps into the discussion room.  She makes her way in front of him, since that is the only chair available, and sits down with much hesitation.  She keeps her face down.

                “I won’t be able to help you if you keep hiding you know,” she hears he says, quite strict.

                Stephanie raises her head and her eyes meet those eyes.  Eyes that are blazing, not from anger though, but from strong determination and from an unbreakable spirit that shows no sign of giving up.  She feels motivated immediately.

                “As you know, I’m Kim Jonghyun.  You can call me Jonghyun.  Would you like to introduce yourself?” he asks, tone very friendly despite his determined eyes.  And to Stephanie’s surprise, he smiles, which she thinks it is charming and angelic especially when he shows his rows of perfect pearl white teeth.

                “I-I’m Stephanie Lee.  Call me...err...Steph,” she says.

                “Very well, Steph.  I don’t know why Mr. Shin directed you to me.  I’d gone through your report and I found out you are weak in Maths, Physics, Economics, and the most is Chemistry.  Honestly, I think Taemin is more suitable to be your mentor, because he is better in Chemistry than I am, seriously,” he says while looking at her.  At the same time, Stephanie could sense a burden that has been put on him.  Is it her fault?  No, right?

                “I...if you don’t want it, I can tell Mr. Shin-”

                “No.  It’s not like that.  I’m looking forward working with you.  Maybe Mr. Shin has his own reason,” he says.  Behind those determined eyes, Steph could sense a heavy burden in his voice.

                “I’m sorry,” Steph says.  He shakes his head.

                “Now, let’s go through the syllabus.  Tell me which topic you’re weak in.  Then, we’ll see how far I can help you in this,” says Jonghyun with that smile again.  At that moment, Steph scratches the fact that has been long ago written in his head.  Jonghyun is fierce, but no, he is nice.

                Steph opens her Chemistry book, flips through a few pages before her eyes land on the contents.  She stares at the syllabus she’d been studying for months in the programme.  However, she only remembers about twenty percent of it?

                “So, now we’ll go through them one by one and tell me which chapter you need help for,” Jonghyun says; now he is serious again.

                “I...”

                “Do you have problem with Chapter 1, Stoichiometry?  Just tell me.  Mole concepts and Avogadro’s Constant?  Formulas?  Chemical equations?” he asks.  Stephanie shakes her head and Jonghyun continues again, “Moles and gaseous volume relationships in chemical reactions?  Solutions?” he asks.  This time, Stephanie only stares at him, very lost.

                “Sunbae...err...what is that thing just now...the gaseous something and solution?” she asks.

                “About mass of product, limiting reagent, solute and solvent.  You have problem with that?” Jonghyun asks gently but she could sense the strictness in his voice.

                “Oh...I need help in that,” she says.  Jonghyun smiles at her and pulls out a pencil from his pencil case.  He writes down something in his notebook.  It might be the topic which she needs help for.

                “Next chapter, Atomic Theory and Structure.  Is it hard for you?” he asks.  She looks at the topic in Chapter 2.  Atom, electron arrangement and mass spectrometer are quite okay for her.  But, electronic configuration...what is that?

                “Sunbae...what is electronic configuration?” she asks.

                “It’s something about ionization energy, orbitals energy, number and shapes and also the Aufbau Principle.  You should know that,” Jonghyun says while looking straight into her eyes.  Stephanie slowly shakes her head.

                “I don’t know...” she says timidly.  She could see the senior frowns and narrows his eyes, but otherwise he jots down the topic into his book.

                “Next?” he asks.  Steph looks at Chapter 3, Periodicity.  She runs her finger on the page and she seems doesn’t remember learning some of the things.

                “Err...sunbae...” she says and Jonghyun immediately looks at her, “What is taught in the subtopic First Row ‘d’ Block Elements?”

                “It’s about transition elements.  You don’t know?” asks Jonghyun, looking at her with a very sceptical look in his face.

                “No, I don’t,” Stephanie feels more scared the more they run through the syllabus.  She doesn’t know, doesn’t remember some of the lesson the teacher taught her.  She feels stupid and really wants to end her life in front of her senior.  He has a lot of patience with him, carefully jots down one by one topic that she says she doesn’t know.

                “Chapter 4?” he asks after he stops writing.

                Chapter 4 is Chemical Bonding and she doesn’t even remember what the content of the chapter is.  But, she keeps quiet.  She is scared, scared to tell him that she doesn’t know, scared that he will give up on her, scared that he will scold her and most of all scared that he will leave her like a kite without string, her without help.

                “Stephanie?” he asks again, looking at her.  Tears fill up her eyes.  She stares at him.  She doesn’t want him to leave her.  She needs help.

                “I...I don’t know,” she says slowly and weakly.

                “You don’t know what, Steph?” he asks her very gently, but still strict.  She becomes more scared.

                “I don’t remember Chapter 4.  I don’t even know what I don’t know,” she says.  Jonghyun looks at her dubiously.  He tries to solve the puzzle, to understand her.  The intense stare from the senior makes Stephanie feels terrified.  She waits for any shout from him.  She is expecting some rude words; stupid, idiot or maybe brainless from him.  Instead his hand slowly closes her book.  He smiles.

                “We stop until here today okay?” she looks at him, “It seems stuffy here.  Let’s take a walk,” he packs his things and walks out of the room.  She follows him, asking herself why he doesn’t get angry.  Judging on his look, he is fierce, but he’s not, he’s nice.  They walk to the school’s park and he sits down on a bench.  Again, she follows him.

                They sit down but they don’t speak even a single thing.  Only a few minutes after that, Jonghyun begins to speak.

                “You hate it.  You hate the programme, aren’t you?” he asks.  Stephanie looks at him.  She takes a while to digest his words.  He is talking about the Pre-U programme.  Stephanie nods.

                “The way I see it, you are not willing to do this, are you?  You’re doing this because of your parents, am I right?” he asks.  She nods again.  Jonghyun sighs.

                “S-sunbae...”

                “It’s okay.  Tomorrow, I’ll see your teacher and ask which topic you have actually learned in class.  Then, we’ll start from the beginning, okay?  No matter it is a topic that you have understood or not, we’ll start all over again, from the beginning,” he says.  Stephanie loses her words when she senses determination in his eyes and in his voice.

                “I’ll try my best to help you however I could,” he says and smiles at her.  He ruffles her hair and leaves, making Stephanie even more blur and unsure of what to do.

                After a few days, they need to meet again.  But, this time, there are already other people in the room, SHINee with their mentees.  She steps into the room, noticing that she is already late.  But, Jonghyun is not there too, but his things are there.

                “Hi...you must be Jonghyun’s mentee, Stephanie,” says a very cute one.  Stephanie nods.

                “I’m Lee Taemin,” he says and smiles.  Stephanie bows.

                “Come in and sit down, Jonghyun has something to do.  He might be late,” says Taemin and Stephanie frowns while looking at Jonghyun’s things on the table, “We brought his things here since he has a lot of things to deal with,” Taemin continues.  Stephanie nods and sits down.

                A few minutes later, Jonghyun comes in panting with a few books and files in his hands.  He sits down in front of her and smiles.  Stephanie quickly understands that he was handling the club activity just now based on the things he brings along.

                “Hey, I’m sorry.  I’m late,” Jonghyun apologises.

                “It’s okay.  I know you are busy,” she says.

                “I’m not planning to do any of studying today,” Jonghyun says and Stephanie frowns, “Let’s have a talk, like a...talk, I mean, a friendly talk.  Spill everything out Steph,” says him.

                Stephanie only nods to his words.

                “What do you think IB is like?” Jonghyun asks her.  When talking about the Pre-U course that she is handling right now, she could think of one thing.

                “IB is like a vacuum,” she says and it is Jonghyun’s turn to frown, “It sucks,” she says emotionlessly.  Seriously, she couldn’t think of a better word to describe it.  A vacuum will do.  However, while she is in a very serious mood, the senior’s smile turns to a very small and gentle laugh.  The sound that escapes his lips rings like jingle in her ears, sweeping her problems away.

But, she thinks again, are they even funny, the words that she said just now?  Seeing a serious face of his juniors, Jonghyun restrains his own laughter.

“I’m sorry, seriously.  But, vacuum?  You’re a bit too creative in that way,” says Jonghyun before he continues, “Anyway, is it that sucks?” he asks, still with small laughter contaminating his beautiful voice.  Stephanie nods.  Then, here comes his serious mood again.

“I’ve seen your records for the past few months.  You have a lot of potential to succeed in this programme.  But, you hate it too much that you don’t want to do it.  Stephanie, I can’t help you if you don’t want to do it,” says Jonghyun.  Stephanie nods, but totally can’t digest the senior’s words of advice.  Jonghyun seems to understand.  He pulls put his I Phone from his jeans’ pocket.  He puts it in front of her.

“Have you tried playing Fruit Ninja?” he asks.  Stephanie shakes her head and he says again, “Well then.  Let’s see if you can beat my high score this time, no matter you’ve experienced this game or not,” he says and that is her first time she sees the senior’s smirk.  It looks hot, but somehow, she knows he is challenging her.  Challenge accepted and she starts to play.

She is seriously up with the game.  At first, her score is embarrassingly too low that she can’t even look at it.  But, after a few games, she is getting better and better, but still not able to beat Jonghyun’s points.  She is too absorbed in the game and she doesn’t realise it is already the end of the session until Jonghyun takes the phone from her.

“Hey, what th-” she stops when she comes back to herself.  First of all, it is his phone.  Second, everybody has already packed to leave.

“You really like it, huh?” Jonghyun asks her with his tender smile.  She nods.

“See?  You really can do it if you want it Stephanie.  You like the game, and you want to beat my score.  You did your best and getting better for every single game you played next,” Jonghyun says.

“But, I didn’t beat you yet,” she says.  Jonghyun nods.

“Nobody can really succeed in one day.  You need to have a constant effort on it.  Think of it when you’re studying too, Stephanie.  You have the potential to succeed.  The matter now is whether you want to do it or not.  And nobody will score high marks with one day of studying.  It needs to be constant.  You have to continue doing your best from time to time,” Jonghyun says and smiles to her.

While waiting for her brain to digest the words, she just nods to her caring senior.  Jonghyun ruffles her hair and smiles.

“See you again,” he says and leaves.  Stephanie nods.

That night, on her bed, she thinks of what her senior said just that afternoon.  The words keep replaying in her mind until she understands fully of what he means.  She has to initiate a move now.  She has to help herself.  She has to give out her best, unleash her full potential and succeed in becoming a Geologist.  Those are important to her now.

But, what most important is to think how that senior manages to tackle her heart that easily.

The next day, with full spirit, Stephanie comes with Chemistry book in her hand, ready to take her first step to challenge the programme, to challenge IB.  She opens the door and quickly bows to her senior.

“Sunbae, I’m starting with Stoichiometry today.  I hope you will help me with that,” she says right after she opens the door.  Jonghyun smiles and nods, while gesturing her to the seat in front of him.

“That is the spirit that I want,” he says.

They go through the chapter together and Stephanie tries her best to absorb everything that the guy in front of her tells her.  Eventually, she manages to understand chapters by chapters very well as weeks and days pass by, the concepts and all the weird names the she decides will be important to grab the whole concept.  However, as she learns more and more in more than a month already, she becomes very confuse of which names are belongs to which things.

“It’s hard,” she says shortly, while they are going through Chemical Bonding together.  Jonghyun sighs, and again Stephanie feels guilty of putting much burden on his shoulder.  She could see the he is struggling with his own study himself, with the final exam is coming nearer in a few months time.  He sleeps less and the dark circles under his eyes are getting more transparent to her.  But, he provides some hours to help her to go through the programme.  He sacrifices even more sleep to help her preparing for her study.

“Let’s see how we could help you here,” he says while scribbling down something on a piece of paper.

Despite seeing how tired he is, Stephanie is glad that their relationship grows closer.  She is glad that she knows him, the one that always looks cold outside, but very gentle inside.  She is glad to know the one that will never give up and with blazing spirit in his eyes.  She is glad to know him who will never let her down.  And she is very glad she knows him, that now she is able to experience love although maybe it is just from her side.

When he is done scribbling on the paper, he hands her the paper.

“We’re done for today,” he says and smiles.  She nods, packs her things and leaves with a happy heart.  That night before she sleeps, she opens the note that he gave her.



Hey, I wish I could make things easier for you.  So, if you’re too confused, this would come in handy.

An atom will release electrons (love) to another atom that will receive the electrons (love).  The atom that releases the electrons form positive ion (the guy) and the atom that receives the electrons will form negative ion (the girl).   Positive ion (the guy) will attract negative ions (the girl) to form an ionic couple.

^^ I hope that will help.



She couldn’t help but to think of it as a very cute one from the senior that she once thought was fierce.  She keeps the note and she knows it without she has to open the book again, that she has musters the chapter of Chemical Bonding.

Things go on like that.  When she feels it is too hard for her, he will try his best to make it easier for her.  He keeps his promise, to help her however he could.  He helps her with her Chemistry lab experiment, even though she ends up spilling hot boiling water on his hand and he forgives her.  He helps her with her Economics assignment, even though she draws too much ridiculous graph on her papers.  He helps her with her Physics homework, even though he already answered the same question a few times before.  He helps her with her Maths, even though the questions just give him migraine that he couldn’t even get up from his bed the next day.  He helps her with essays and a lot of things until the time for his final exam are finally just a week apart.

She could do nothing more than just to draw a banner for him, to wish him luck.  She could do nothing more than just to buy him a perfect set of stationery for his exam.  She also could do nothing more than just to send him to the exam’s hall entrance before his exam every single morning.  But, he thanks her for the never-ending support without knowing why she actually does so.

And she is glad that one day, when the result is in his hand, when he graduates with flying colours, she is the one that he calls first.

From that, she knows that all the SHINee members are doing very well.  Jinki sunbae, of course, the genius one, scores 45 out of 45.  Taemin sunbae is slacking a point for his Maths, but otherwise 44 out of 45 are considered far too well in IB.  Kibum and Minho sunbae both score 43 out of 45 points and are also considered the star of the school.  Anybody else that scores above 40 is known as the star of IB, considering how tough the programme is.

But, knowing Jonghyun sunbae is scoring the full 45 points as well is in fact very reeling for Stephanie.  She is happy for him and feeling motivated.  If her mentor can do it, why does not she?  If the one she loves can make it, why can’t she?

He calls again one day to tell her his date of departure.  He is accepted to the Colorado School of Mines to pursue his dream in becoming a Petroleum Engineer.  He asks her to send him off and she is glad that she is able to make it on the day.

“Hey, I’m going off,” he says, eyes are still the same with the blazing spirit.  Stephanie nods.

“When you reach there, inform me through Facebook, okay?” she says.  Jonghyun nods.

“Do your best okay, Stephanie?  You will succeed as well.  Don’t worry.  Just hold onto your dream as a future Geologist.  Stay focus and never let the spirit dies.  Put in your efforts into it and you will achieve success.  There’s no shortcut to achieve the highest, but always the hard works,” he gives his last words of wisdom.  He hugs her.

Despite feeling happy sending him off to his dreamed place, she still feels sad because she doesn’t have the courage to confess to him.

“Keep this, okay?” he hands her a note.  She takes it, smiles and then nods to him.  He leaves after he ruffles her hair as usual.

She gets home and opens the note.



Hey Stephanie,

See you in Colorado, okay?  It is the best place for Geosciences’ course, so I hope you can make it here and I’m willing to help you again.  Anyway, you’ll never get to beat me in Fruit Ninja, just telling.

Jonghyun, the positive ion



                The note motivates her to do better in whatever she does now.  And she is more than willing to be his negative ion now.