Through Letter and Franzine

Friendship, academic and love: something that Natasya is looking for in another year of school.  She had been doing well for the past years and hopes to maintain or otherwise, improve them.  Thus, she is looking forward to attend school for another year to find any way that could help to improve all those things, especially on love basis.

                She is being loved, yes, by teachers and friends, but not yet having a special one to love her the way she is.  Perhaps it is not the time yet, but she does not going to just sit down and wait.  You have to search for it, not wait for it to come.  The time will be wasted.  After all, she is growing up and life teaches her a lot of things.

                “Hey, Natasya.  What’s up?” Sofia comes out of nowhere.

                “Nah...nothing.  Just thinking about another year of school, and yeah...”

                “Oh, come on, girlfriend.  You’re not thinking about it again, aren’t you?” Sofia asks with a smirk.  She is a very good friend, despite she is a tomboy.

                “Sofia, it’s nothing, really,” replies Natasya.

                “Hey, you think I don’t know.  I’m your friend for years Natasya.  Don’t tell me it’s nothing when your face is all scrunching up thinking about something you often thinking about,” Sofia shrugs.

                “Well.  So, you know,” Natasya sighs.

                “It’s not a good thing, huh?  Face all scrunches up thinking about a possible life partner.  You are going to get old early, Natasya,” Sofia says while throws her a can of Coke.

                “Thanks,” she goes.

                “Chill, girlfriend.  You will have one this year.  I assure you,” Sofia guarantees.

                “Same thing from your mouth every year, huh?  Thanks for the assurance.  Appreciate it a lot.  But, nothing really changes each year.  It’s the same,” she feels annoyed when Sofia brings out the same thing, but can’t really blame her friend.  It is her who thinks of boyfriend each time.

                “Ouch.  That’s a bit harsh.  Now, listen, Natasya.  Guys out there can be a little bit worse than you imagine they are.  They can cheat, dump you, and leave your heart being torn into pieces, I swear,” Sofia says.

                “Sofia, can you just forget things that make you scared to be loved by guys?  Not every guy is the same, remember that.  Look.  I know you’d gone through an awful experience.  But, you need to tune your mind that people are not always the same,” says Natasya, keeps holding her stance.

                “Well, you don’t know Natasya.  Things can get out of control.  I saw my dad made out with other woman in the house I used to live with mom.  And mom committed suicide after that.  She put all her trust to dad, and that’s what he gave her.  He crushed all the trust my mom had on him, and the trust I once had on him,” Sofia sips her Coke.

                “I am glad I was there to help.  I am glad my family helped you,” Natasya says.

                “Yeah, thanks mate.  I am glad I found you guys.  If not I would just hang myself at that time,” says Sofia.

                “Don’t you ever mention hang again.  Girlfriend, you know I will, mom and dad will go insane if they know you attempt anything of that kind again.  Just sleep, okay?  Tomorrow’s first day of school,” says Natasya and she switch off the light.

                “Good night, girlfriend,” Sofia says.

                The other morning, Sofia and Natasya walk to school together.  They often do that.  In fact, it had been 10 years, after Sofia’s mom’s death.  Sofia was seven when Natasya’s father, a police inspector, saw that girl almost followed her mom’s footstep, to hang herself to death.  He brought her home, adopted her and since then, Sofia and Natasya are siblings, are friends that can never be separated.

                “First day of school, I wish you good luck,” Sofia says.

                “Thanks,” Natasya replies.

                “You’re seventeen this year.  You will find your guy.  Trust me this time,” Sofia says while patting Natasya’s shoulder.

                “How do you know that, huh?  Are you some kind of a palm-reader or a fortune-teller or something that kind?” asks Natasya.

                “You will know,” Sofia says and leaves.  Natasya just shrugs it off.  Just then, a guy comes and greets her.

                “Hey, Natasya.”

                “Hey, Taemin.  What’s up?” she asks.

                “Owh, great summer holiday.  What about you?” he asks.

                “Nice.  But, you know Sofia.  She can be a bit naughty sometimes, huh?” she chuckles.

                “That sister of yours?  Yeah.  She could be problematic in her own way.  But, she’s nice.  She doesn’t choose people to communicate with.  She’s not even sexist, although she has a pretty bad life’s history.  She can talk to guys like normal, but just don’t mess up with her.  That’s all,” says Taemin.

                “You know a lot about her, huh?  Got your eyes on her?” Natasya jokes over.

                “Me?” Taemin chuckles, “Are you joking?  We’re in the same club, okay.  Of course, I know her.  We’re pretty close with each other.”

                “Oh, really?  She doesn’t tell me this,” Natasya looks straight into Taemin’s eyes.

                “Oh, I bet I am now your rival, huh?  Don’t worry.  I’m not kidnapping her from you,” says Taemin.

                “No, really.  She is not even once not telling me things.  I mean, come on.  We share everything together,” Natasya says while taking her books from the locker.

                “Maybe some things are meant to be secret,” he sighs, “See ya!”

                Natasya rummages her locker for her books and something drops.  A letter, white in colour.  She picks it up and reads through it.  Apparently, there’s nothing much.  Just a greeting.  ‘Happy First Day of School!’ is what written there.  She folds it again and goes to class.

                Later that evening, after dinner, Natasya and Sofia stay in the room, doing their first batch of homework.  School can be annoying at times.  It is only first day, but the teachers are a bit kiasu on this whole learning thing, hence the homework.

                “Hey, that boy, Taemin.  Something is just interesting about him,” Natasya breaks the silence between them.

                “Huh?  That boy from the Media and Journalism club?  We’re quite close.  If you want him as your boyfriend, I can pass the message,” Sofia says without shifting her attention from her writing pad.

                “Yeah, you’re quite close with each other, but you didn’t tell me.  That’s what interesting about him,” Natasya says.  Sofia puts down her pencil.

                “Hey, girlfriend.  What?  Are you jealous now?  I swear I have nothing on him.  He is just a clubmate, that’s all,” says Sofia.

                “Sofia, you know it’s not that.  You’re not especially close with any guys.  Fine, you talk to them but not so close until some random guy knows things about your life,” Natasya says.

                “Well, if you want to know, he’s special.  He’s a nice guy.  He’s kind of...shy,” Sofia says and get back to her work.

                “Shy, you said?  He popped out of nowhere and greeted me like a friend while I barely know who he is.  That’s what you call shy?  I need you to open the dictionary for the meaning of shy, mate,” says Natasya.

                “Yeah, Sofia.  Funny.  I’m not a dictionary geek.  You are.  Mind read out the meaning for me?” Sofia asks as the matter of joking.

                “You know what, Sofia?  Let’s get back to work,” says Natasya.

                “I win again.”

                The next day of school is quite bad for Natasya.  She’s told by a friend that yesterday’s homework is not due today and Natasya, who had been appointed to collect it, is scolded by the teacher.  It’s not a simple ‘You should’ve followed my instruction’ or ‘Natasya, you’ve disappointed me’.  But, the teacher use profanity on her.  ‘Idiot!’, that’s what she get.  She slams he locker shut to release her anger.

                “Wow!  Bad day, huh?” asks Taemin who comes out from only God-knows-where.

                “Can you imagine being called idiot by a teacher?  On the second day of school?  It’s like a curse.  The whole year is going to be a bad one,” Natasya says in anger.

                “Wow!  A teacher used profanity on you.  That’s...he or she had just gone overboard,” he says while shaking his head.

                “Now you know.  Can you please stop wowing here and there?  It is pissing me off,” she says.

                “Well, if that’s the case, I wish a better tomorrow for you.  See ya!” he says and leaves.  Natasya opens the locker to keep her books before going home, and she sees a letter.  Same piece of paper, same handwriting, just different message.

‘The teacher will apologize tomorrow, I swear.’

                That’s true.  A franzine is published the next day, on how wrong it is for a teacher to use profanities on students.  It doesn’t mention the name of the teacher though, but cynical and sarcastic enough to bring the teacher to seek forgiveness from Natasya.

                “Who’s this mysterious person?” Natasya asks while eating her sandwich.  It is lunch time, and she is eating with Sofia and Taemin.

                “I don’t know.  Some secret admirer?” asks Sofia jokingly.  Taemin smirks at her and rolls his eyes.

                “I don’t know.  But, this person really helps me a lot.  It was started last year.  I remembered got accused from plagiarizing someone’s work last year.  I received a letter in my locker saying that things will get solved.  And a franzine criticized that issue was published and a person came to me to apologize for framing me with that.  It’s...just...strange,” Natasya sighs.

                “Strange or not, this person is your saviour.  You have to remember that,” says Taemin.

                “Well, I guess so.  Come on guys.  Class is starting in two minutes.  I don’t want to get into detention.  The whole year will be cursed for me,” Natasya says.  Sofia rolls her eyes.

                “You’re a type who believe strongly in superstitions, aren’t you?” Taemin asks while they are walking to class.

                “She is scared for something really weird, Taemin,” Sofia teases her.

                “Duh.  Better safe than sorry, okay.  That’s what we call precaution,” Sofia says.

                “Precaution for what?  A whole year of school without bad reputation?  Come on, Natasya.  Get a life.  You’re too paranoid,” Taemin points out.

                “Shut up.”

                The next day, Natasya comes to school, only to find another letter inside her locker.  She unfolds it to read.

                ‘I would like to go out with you.’

                “Yo, what’s up girlfriend?” Sofia surprises Natasya.

                “You obviously want me to die choking on my food, mate,” Natasya says while sipping water from her bottles.

                “Taemin is joining us for lunch again.  Are you okay with that?” asks Sofia.  Natasya looks at Taemin who is smiling sheepishly at her.

                “Why not?” says Natasya.

                “Anything special today, Nat?” Taemin asks while putting his tray of food.

                “Nothing special.  By the way, call me Natasya,” she is being stern.

                “Woohoo!  Fine, Miss Natasya.  Really, nothing special?” asks Taemin.  Sofia looks at her too, being curious.

                “Yeah, nothing.”

                “Not even a mystery letter inside your locker?” asks Sofia.

                “Oh, that.  Yeah, I got one.”

                “Really.  What does it say?” Taemin asks.

                “This mysterious person, who I think should be a guy, is asking me out,” Natasya tells her friends.

                “I know, right.  This must be your secret admirer.  That is why he tries to make this school a better place for you to study,” says Sofia.

                “Are you going out with him?” Taemin asks her.

                “No.  I don’t like guys who can’t confess face to face.  Such a coward,” Natasya says while sipping her water.  Taemin’s face changes immediately.

                “Urm...Natasya.  I forget.  Taemin and I have something to do with our journalism club.  Enjoy your lunch, okay?” Sofia pulls the dumb stricken Taemin with her.

                “Hey, your sandwich!” Natasya shouts.

                “You eat it.  My treat!” and Sofia disappears with Taemin.

                Sofia sits beside her that night when she is watching TV.  They look at each other for a while before Natasya understands Sofia’s body language.  She switches off the TV.

                “Okay, Sofia.  I know that look.  Something important, I know.  Tell me,” Natasya starts the conversation.

                “Well, we’ve been siblings for ten years, huh?” Sofia says.  Natasya frowns.

                “Yeah...why?  I am happy with you,” says Natasya.

                “Me too,” Sofia replies.

                “Sofia, don’t tell me about the suicide aga-”

                “Natasya, listen.  It is not about me.  It is about you, okay?  You have to listen to me.  You know how much I care about you since you’re the only one I have in this world?” Sofia asks.

                “As much as I care about you too,” Natasya says.

                “I only want the best for you.”

                “Buddy, me too.  I only want the best for you,” Natasya says again.

                “Okay.  I know you’re seventeen and you’re searching for a boy out there that can be your boyfriend.  And I don’t think there’s many guys out there that is that kind to be with you,” Sofia states.

                “Sofia, not this attitude again.  Not all guys are-”

                “I know.  There are some guys I trust too.  Your dad, your little brother and another guy who is trying his best to win your heart,” Sofia goes.

                “What?  Who?”

                “The letter you received every so often-”

                “Don’t tell me you’re helping this guy out, because I don’t like the idea of having someone coward as my boyfriend,” Natasya says.

                “Unfortunately, I helped him out, Natasya.  But, for your sake.  And he’s not a coward.  He’s a brave guy-”

                “If he’s brave, why doesn’t he face me and confess?” asks Natasya.

                “Because he’s shy, not coward.  Listen, this guy, he helped you a lot, okay?  Especially when you have issues in school.  He’s brave in his own way,” Sofia says.

                “Cut the crap, Sofia.  You’re just tired, right?” she says with a chuckle.

                “Natasya, he laid his eyes on you since last year.  And he became close to me just to know more about you.  I know he is sincere and I trust him,” Sofia says.

                “Don’t tell me this guy is Le-”

                “Yes, Natasya.  It’s Lee Taemin.  And you just dragged him down by stating he is a coward after all the things he had done for you,” Sofia says.

                “Did I really offend him?” asks Natasya.

                “Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Sofia asks back.

                “Wha-”

                “He’s outside,” Sofia says.

                “Buddy, I don-”

                “Thank me later, yeah?  Now, go!” Sofia pushes her.

                Natasya runs outside and he could see Taemin’s figure outside the house.  She stops for a while and draws her breath.

                “Lee Taemin!”

                “Oh, hi, Natasya,” there’s an awkward silence for a moment before he continues, “Where’s Sofia?”

                “She’s inside.  You want to see her?” Natasya asks, a bit disappointed.

                “She asks me to come to give me some- oh, wait,” he chuckles, “That girl is really problematic, huh?  So, this is that something?”

                “Well, Taemin.  I just want to apologize for my offending word during lunch,” Natasya says.  That shuts him up.

                “Is it really hard for you to face me?” she asks.

                “I-look, Natasya.  I, well...it’s hard,” Taemin admits.

                “I love you, too,” Natasya says bravely.  Taemin’s eyes widen.

                “What-”

                “How could you be so brave publishing articles to the whole school just to help me, but afraid to face me all alone?” Natasya asks.

                “Well...I-”

                “Taemin, it is just me,” she tries to make him speak.

                “You know you are in the Public Speaking Club, you’re meant to speak.  I’m in the Media and Journalism Club, I am meant to write,” he says.

                “Point taken.  Then, write,” says Natasya.  Taemin draws out a pen and a notebook from his pocket, which he always carries around with him.  He writes on a piece of paper and tears it off the book.  He gives it to Natasya.

                ‘I love you.’

                “Not so bad, huh?  Shy boy?” Natasya smirks.  She pulls Taemin nearer and they are about to kiss each other before someone ruins the moment.

                “Can’t both of you wait until 18?” Sofia shouts from the window.

                “Sofia!  You can’t really leave us alone, can you?” asks Taemin.

                “You’re dead by the time I’m in, Sofia!” shouts Natasya.

                “I take that as thanks.  You’re welcomed!” Sofia says sarcastically.

                That moment, Natasya realises that she get her most perfect year of school.  A best friend who will never stop teasing and a boyfriend who is very shy and good in writing?  Perfect!

Crisis

It’s good to be at school sometimes; having girlfriends hooked up with me all the time and some hot guys to seduce.  People may call me a trouble kid, but I couldn’t care less.  It is about time I have to live my own life, not according to the rules.  I know my label; Shim Ae Rin, the trouble-maker.  I don’t give a shit.  Blame my non-Asian background.

                Now I’m trapped in Korea, schooling at an international school somewhere around Seoul called Seoul International School.  Since it is an international school, it could have been more ‘global’, except that most of the teachers are Asians and pretty much still up to the old-styled manners from decades ago.  But, friends are still cool.

                I have a hot Head Boy here at my school.  His name is Kim Kibum, but he prefers people calling him Key.  Sounds more friendly, that’s what he told the students during his Election Day and that explains a lot why most of the school voted him, since most of us are girls here.  I also have a handsome junior here.  He might look cute, but is very bold and manly especially when he starts his slick dancing movements.  I swear I can die because of this kid named Lee Taemin.  And there is a prince charming too.  Well, not really a prince, but he’s basically the most popular guy in school.  His glance can really make girls gone wild and crazy.  Kim Jonghyun is worshipped by most of the girls around the school and his best friend apparently shares the fame.  Choi Minho, Jonghyun’s best friend, also the School’s Captain, is one of the hotties at school.  But, sorry, I don’t find him hot, because I know him well, since young.  He is my childhood friend.

                Those people really make my life happy at school, especially when they are playing hard to get and there is a mountain of jealousy among the girls for wanting them as at least their friends.  And the most important is I’m not included.

                “Hey there, Trouble!  How are you today?” I stop walking.  That must be Minho.  He is the only one in this entire world calling me ‘Trouble’.

                “Well, fine thanks, Mean-ho,” I roll my eyes.

                “Hey, come on.  It’s a bright day and why are you so moody?  PMS-ing?” Minho asks again.

                “Dude, you don’t have to ask that question to a girl.  Whether it is my time of the month or not is none of your business.  Or you don’t really want to celebrate Father’s Day, do you?” I reply him sarcastically.

                “Whoa, whoa!  Ae Rin, chill.  What’s up, really?” he asks while kicking a pebble into a drain by the side of a road.  Walking to school is my best time ever, especially when I have my childhood friend by my side.

                “I fought with mom again.  She wants me to focus on my Biology and take either Anatomy or Medicine in university.  But, I like doing English Literature and apparently that is the only paper I scored well,” I sigh.

                “Typical Asian, isn’t it?  Most parents in Asia take careers in Science field to be very future-guaranteed.  It is either doctor, engineer or scientist.  Or you might as well choose to involve in Social Science.  Be a lawyer or accountant or entrepreneur.  That’s Asian’s parents if you want to know.  Why did you move back here anyway?  You could just stay in United States and it is more liberal there.  You can have a job for literature,” Minho says.

                “It doesn’t make any difference, Minho.  Even if I stay there, my parents are still Asian,” I say.

                “At least you can convince them that you are going to enrol in university and do well in getting a well-paid job there.  Literature is not insignificant in the US,” Minho goes.

                “I don’t know,” I say as both of us enter the school’s gate.

                “Well, you know what?  Just do well in SAT and you can make your way to universities and colleges in America and stay there, get a job and live well,” Minho suggests.

                “Thanks, Minho for your brilliant suggestion but live there alone by myself?” I ask.

                “I don’t see any problem.  You lived there for five years since you were seven and you have friends there.  Or else the trouble-maker is now afraid of trouble,” Minho teases me.

                “Mean-ho, it is not my problem.  It is my parents’.  They won’t allow,” I say.

                “So, parents again, huh?” he says while shrugging.  I shake my head.  We climb the stairs together.

                “Oh well, you are early today, trouble-maker.  Thanks for making me not to waste my ink writing your name in the discipline book,” someone is saying just as we reach the topmost floor where our class is.

                “Oh, you’re welcome, Key,” I say.

                “What makes you left your house early?” he asks.

                “Don’t ask,” I go.

                “Well, I can answer that for you.  She fought with her mom over this sickly decision-making in her future career and she left early because she apparently doesn’t want to become a doctor as instructed,” Minho goes in one breath.

                “Thanks, Minho,” says Key and he resumes, “I’m sorry for you.  Looks like our trouble-maker is now in trouble.”

                “I’m in no mood to joke,” I say while opening my locker.

                “Well that’s bad.  I’m in mood to joke,” Key says.

                “Well, I think she just made herself clear, Key and seriously, it is no joke when she said she is in no mood to joke.  Unless you really can stand being kicked in your ‘ahem’ and won’t celebrate Father’s Day in the future, you can resume your joke,” Minho warns Key.  I roll my eyes.

                “Oh, come one.  She is not that bad, isn’t she?  I know Ae Rin, and she is quite a good girl... except for her obsession in making trouble,” Key says and Minho laughs.

                “You know what the best part is?  The irony.  It is weird to see you and Ae Rin are close to each other because she is a trouble-maker and you are a freaking nerd rules-follower who memorises all the school’s rules in the handbook,” Minho says as he looks at his timetable.

                “Whoa!  Ae Rin, don’t you think Minho is being mean here?” asks Key.

                “Always,” I say.

                “Hey yo!  What’s up, dudes?” Jonghyun says from far and stops when he sees me, “Well, and dudette?”

                Taemin is following right behind him.  Looks like the boy is having trouble in running away from some girls who stalk him.  It is good to know that Jonghyun is there to help him.  Minho and Key greet him back, while I just smirk at him.

                “I’m pretty sure that Ae Rin is having a bad day but I’m not gonna ask why Ae Rin.  I still want to celebrate Father’s Day,” Jonghyun says while walking towards his locker.

                “Thanks, Jonghyun,” I roll my eyes.

                “You’re very much welcomed,” he says as he opens his lockers, “Oh!  Not again!” he sighs.

                “What?  Another pink roses?” asks Key.  All of us try to steal a glance to what some unknown chick has been putting inside Jonghyun’s locker.

                “No, but another pink teddy.  You want it Ae Rin?” he asks while showing me the pink teddy that is holding a red heart written there ‘I love you’. I snort.

                “No, thanks,” I say.

                “But, I want it,” Taemin interrupts.

                “What for, Taemin?” asks Minho.

                “For my girlfriend,” Taemin says boldly.

                “Okay!  You can have it.  But, just don’t tell her that it is from a girl, okay?” Jonghyun throws the teddy towards Taemin and he catches it neatly.

                                The next thing I know is we are having assembly at the hall and the principal are talking about something to do with a new teacher.  It is not that I care.  Since I’m sitting quite at the back of the lines of students, I sneakily read a Shakespeare play instead of listening to a speech not so important in my life.  That’s how I live anyway.

                “Mr. Lee Jinki will be teaching English Literature for Grade 9.  Please welcome him and treat him well,” says the Principal and my head immediately shoots up to look at the stage to respond to the words ‘English Literature’.

                I see a young teacher on the stage, nodding to the Principal’s gesture.  He looks so neat and handsome in his shirt and tie and a pair of slack pants.  Almost perfect except that he is too, an Asian.  Small eyes and all features exhibited by him shows that he is a Korean.  But, something about him just touches my heart.

                “What was his name again?” I ask my girlfriend beside me.

                “Mr. Lee Jinki,” Ji Hyun answers.

                “Another hottie here,” I say while smirking.  Eun Byul’s eyes widen at me and Ji Hyun’s jaw is left hanging in the air while Bo Mi is about to protest.  However, a teacher who happens to be near hushes us and all my girlfriends shut their mouths.

                “It is impossible, Ae Rin!  He is a teacher and you are a student.  You can’t hit on him.  Student-teacher’s relationship is not encouraged,” says Bo Mi after the assembly.

                “I didn’t say I want to hit on him.  I just said that he is hot, that’s all,” I go.

                “Yes, you said he is hot and that shows the tendency of you to hit on him since girls are usually hitting on hot guys,” Bo Mi gives her experience-related theory.

                “I ask you one thing, Bo Mi.  Have I ever said that Jonghyun, Key and Taemin are hot?” she nods and I resume, “Then did you, by any chance, see me hitting on them?”

                “No,” she answers.  I shrug at her.

                “Your theory is wrong again Bo Mi,” Eun Byul says.

                “And one more thing, we’re not like you.  By the way, this morning, Jonghyun got a pink teddy.  Looks like you have a new rival Bo Mi,” Ji Hyun says and laughs.  Bo Mi rolls her eyes.

                “Okay, girlfriends.  We’re getting late here.  Let’s go for class!” I say and leave them.

                School is okay for the whole day, it is normal.  I tripped a teacher again and even poured a glass of water onto a guy who was trying very hard to seduce me.  Fun, but not naughty enough.  Now, I am on my way home bringing back some homework to be done at home.  I go down the stairs taking two steps at a time.

                When I reach the ground floor, the elevator which happens to be just next to the stairs opens, and revealing someone I just thought to forget.  The new teacher.

                “Hi...” he says.

                “Oh, you mean bye,” I go.

                “Well, yes.  See ya!” he says and coolly walks away.  I just know that I am feeling this little furious-heart-beating moment.  I watch him until he disappear.

                “What is this feeling?” I monologue.

                Evidently, that particular moment in my life really drives me crazy.  I don’t just look at him as a hottie, I have a crush on him.  I curse myself.  Just imagine.  Whenever he sees me he will greet me and smiles with his eyes narrowing into a shape of crescent and honestly, that drives me nuts.  He will at least say ‘Hi’ or if I’m quite far from him he will always smile a very sincere smile.  It is a lie if I say I don’t feel anything.

                And it happens again.  I am having my free period now and I am going down to the library on the second floor.  Oh yes, students cannot use the elevator, only teachers are allowed, thus I have no choice except to take the stairs.  When I am about to go down, I meet Mr. Lee who is also on his way down.  He looks at me and I look at him too.  Well, it is more like looking awkwardly to each other.  Then, I go down the stairs and he takes the elevator.

                The moment I reach the second floor, the elevator opens as well.  Oh, cool!  The teacher again.  My heart won’t listen to me and keeps on beating as though it really wants to be out of my chest.

                “Ay, hi!” he greets.

                “Hi...” I say, failing my attempt to act natural.

                “I should have walked with you.  It seems like we reach the second floor at the same time.  The elevator is slow apparently,” he says.

                “Oh, yeah...you should have walked with me,” I say.  Then, we bid each other goodbye and I walk to the library while he walks to the opposite path.

                ‘Mr. Lee Jinki, you are driving me crazy!’ I whisper in my heart.

                I just love the way he does everything.  The way he stands at the door, holding it while greets his student one by one when they are entering his class.  I also love the way he rolls up his sleeve up to his elbow when he feels the weather is slightly hot.  I love the way he is very punctual for his class.  I love the way he teaches literature in class.  I also love the way he speaks very coolly with students.

                In short, I LOVE him the way he is.

                “Yah!  Are you staring at Mr. Lee?” Minho surprises me.

                “Shhh!  Too loud, Minho.  Is it wrong anyway?” I ask him, feeling the utter embarrassment as I am caught red-handed.

                “No, it’s not.  It’s creepy, the way you stare at him.  It seems like you want him in your room tonight,” Minho says nonchalantly.

                “Well, Minho.  You’re a bit too much now,” I say.

                “What?  I am right, right?  You like him?” Minho asks me.  That ties my tongue and I lose words for a few seconds.

                “Well...no.  I just-”

                “Don’t worry.  Go ahead.  You can like him.  He’s hot anyway.  Who doesn’t like him?  At least I know you’re a normal girl,” Minho says.

                “I’m not-”

                “I’m your friend since you’re young.  You’d cried, laughed, and pouted, everything, in front of me.  I know you, Ae Rin,” he says.  I fall into silent again.  He’s true.  There’s no use lying to Minho.  He knows everything about me.

                “You won’t tell anybody, will you?” I ask him.  He sits beside me.

                “How long have you known me?” he asks.

                “A few years?”

                “More than a decade, Ae Rin.  Throughout that time, did I, ever, leak any secret of yours?” he asks me.

                “No,” I say.

                “Then, it’s the same.  I’m still the same Minho.  I won’t leak any of your secret,” he says gently.  That pretty much calm me down.

                “Thanks, Minho,” I say.

                “No biggie.  Anyway, if you want me to say anything regarding you to him, I can do it.  He is my curriculum advisor,” Minho informs me with a smirk.

                “No!  Don’t tell anything to him, Minho.  It will be awkward between us,” I say.  Minho chuckles.

                “Then, I’ll teach you how to seduce a guy,” he says.

                “No!  No!  Seriously, Minho.  No.  You won’t do anything.  Moreover, Bo Mi told me something that is realistic anyway.  He is a teacher and I’m a student.  Student-teacher’s relationship is not encouraged,” I say.

                “Well...not encouraged doesn’t mean it is not allowed,” Minho makes a statement.

                “Ermmm...point taken but, just be realistic.  He won’t like me like I do like him.  He is a Literature teacher, with a Master Degree and I’m what?  Not even a Bachelor Degree holder,” I say, crushing the hope myself.

                “You know what? Love doesn’t really need any status of academic or sports or anything.  You just need to love someone the way he or she is.  So, there is still possibility that he might like you as well, despite you’re a high school student,” says Minho.

                “Thanks, Minho.  But, I don’t really like to put the hope up high.  And I don’t want to be called to the Principal’s office just because I’m in love with a teacher.  I’m not problematic in that way,” I tell him.

                “Well...just in case if you get him, we’re not gonna spend our time together that frequent anymore, right?” he asks me and this time, a pure sincere sorrow is evident in his eyes.

                I know that Minho is my childhood friend and is always there for me.  He understands me the most and supports me in most circumstances.  I appreciate his presence in my life or else it would be less meaningful.  Nevertheless, he needs to know that once I find a guy that will be my whole-life partner and when that time comes, we won’t spend as much time together as well.

                I could feel that we’re drifting apart.  We often walk together before and after school.  However, now I would rather stay at school doing homework until Mr. Lee Jinki goes home.  I just want to see him, no, maximising my time seeing him per day.  Sounds creepy?  I know, but this is me when I start to like someone.  Call me stalker, I don’t care.  I can’t say I love him, so I’ll just look at him from far to be happy.

                However, the more I like the teacher, the more hurt I am.  It is a very heart-clenching and shoulder-slumping feeling I’ve been through now.  And I have to admit it is rather unpleasant.  I see him from far, and as usual I like his style and the way he behaves.  I love him.  But, Mr. Lee Jinki never really looks at me as more than just a student.  And I’m being ridiculous.  I shouldn’t hope.

                It is hurting me when I see he smiles to the other students as well.  It is my fault.  I’m crazy over someone that is almost impossible to like me back.  What do I expect?  An anime story to happen?  Or something as childish as a fairytale will happen?  I’m totally insane now.  He is not mine for I should feel jealous when he speaks to other students.  He can smile to anyone and he can speak to anyone.  He has his own right on doing anything he likes because for God’s sake, I don’t own him.  I’m being totally delusional.

                It is Tuesday and I have sports after school.  I like badminton so I choose to play badminton.  Well, at least that is the only sport that I know exactly how to play.  That is the only one sport that I know all the rules.  So, badminton, it is.

                My girlfriends and I play double.  Ji Hyun with me, while, Eun Byul is partnered with Bo Mi.  I release all my feelings towards my game and I could tell that I play it very aggressively.

                “Are you okay, Ae Rin?” asks Ji Hyun.  I nod while my eyes look at Minho who is smashing the shuttlecocks towards his opponent’s court.  Well-played, Minho.

                “Something is distracting you, isn’t it?  You know, you can always share it with us,” Bo Mi says gently.

                “Nothing,” I say weakly.

                “Well...is it about Mr. Lee?” Eun Byul asks.  I keep quiet.  There’s silence around us and I couldn’t avoid the awkwardness in it.

                “I dunno,” I say.

                “Okay, it is about Mr. Lee.  Tell us about it,” asks Bo Mi.  I breathe in.

                “I dunno.  I’m being stupid.  It is wrong to love a teacher,” I say.

                “It is not wrong, Ae Rin.  You have your right to like anybody,” Ji Hyun says.

                “Well, I’m being ridiculous.  Mr. Lee won’t like me back.  I saw him talking to other students as well.  I should just forget my feelings towards him,” I say.

                Eun Byul tries to console me, “Ae Rin-”

                “Let’s get back to game,” I say.

                I play; hit the shuttlecock, shout, and smash the shuttlecock to my opponent.  I do everything that can release my feelings.  Half the game, Minho sits beside my court and watches me all the time.  I don’t care about it.  I keep playing until half my energy is gone.

                “Hey, Ae Rin,” Minho goes.

                “Yes?”

                “I’m going home, okay?” he says.  I nod and he resumes, “See ya!”

                I watch he walks away.  But, after a while, I run after him.

                “Hey, Minho.  I...I just wanna say goodbye too,” I say and he looks at me, knowing that I want to say more than that.

                “What is it, Ae Rin?  Really?” he asks.

                “It has been a long time since the last time a person said ‘See ya!’ to me,” I tell him.  He sighs and he walks to me.  He holds my shoulder gently.

                “You’re really sad, aren’t you?” he asks.

                I only look at him without any words.  But, he understands.  He smiles a very soothing smile.

                “Nevermind.  See ya tomorrow.  I’ll wait for you in front of your gate and we’ll walk together to school.  Tell me everything then, okay?” he ruffles my hair, “See ya!”

                That’s all.  He leaves me alone while I’m madly in love with a teacher.

                But, after all, Minho understands me the most.

As I Call the Radio...

Sakura wants to call the radio so much after hearing a shout out made by the DJ.  She needs to at least say it.  She just needs to do so because it might be her last chance to do so.

                “Hey, today we have a special segment for your loved ones!  Just call us and do a shout out to express your love to your beloved!” she recalls what the DJ had been saying just now.

                She rummages her bag for her mobile phone.  Once she feels her Hello Kitty phone string, she grabs it and quickly pulls it out.  There it is, her red and black mobile phone is already on her pale white palm.

                She hesitates for a while.

                “I can’t do this,” she sighs.

                She is about to keep her phone again, but as she rethinks, it is not wrong for her to let everything out of her chest, right?  It is a whole modern world and everybody has the right to speak and she knows she in not excluded.

                She dials up the number and it rings just a few seconds after that.

                Dub.  Dub.  Dub.

                She is very nervous and she swears she could hear her heartbeats.  Her heart is kicking vigorously the wall of her chest and she doesn’t know how to keep herself calm anymore.  She very much wants to disconnect the line when suddenly the DJ picks up the phone.

                “Well, hello there!  I’m Leeteuk, your beloved DJ.  Who’s there?” the guy asks.

                “H-hello!  I’m Sa-Sakura,” she stutters.

                “Oh, hello Sakura.  Let’s keep away the awkwardness.  This call is not yet on the air.  So, who are you calling for?”

                “An old friend of mine,” Sakura says.

                “Oh, how nice!  A long lost friend...means that you guys haven’t been connected for so long.  Do you mind if I make this segment more special for you?” asks the DJ.

                “More special?  H-how?” she asks.

                “Do you mind give me your friend’s number?  We’ll call your friend and then we’ll make your conversation together on air.  How does that sound to you?”

                “Anything is fine to me...I think so,” Sakura says nervously.

                “Do you mind give me the number?”

                “Okay,” and Sakura gives Leeteuk his number.  She just has to let her heart out this time.

                “Okay, Sakura.  Now, we’ll be on air.  Are you ready?” asks the DJ again.  She breathes in and out, tries to calm herself from trembling on her seat.

                “I’m fine,” she says.

                “Oh well, we have a caller here who wants to say her words of love to her old friend,” the DJ begins his job again, “It is Sakura here and who is this friend of yours, Sakura?  A guy or a girl?  Name?”

                “Urmmm...he’s a guy.  His name is Kim Jonghyun,” Sakura says.

                “Okay, now we’ll try to reach Kim Jonghyun so that our friend here can talk to her old friend again.  Let’s hope he’ll pick up the phone,” DJ Leeteuk says.

                And there’s a song, no...a caller ringtone, very sweet and calm one.  Sakura just loves his choice of song.  It is pretty much similar to her.  The song is played very short, because he picks up the phone as soon as the line connected.

                “Hello?” it is his voice.  Sakura misses that for so long.  The sweet and husky voice of him.

                “Well...hello there, Jonghyun!  It is DJ Leeteuk here from Kiss the Radio!”

                “Oh...yeah...hello...” he sounds amazed the DJ calls him.  Who won’t be shocked?  A DJ as popular as Leeteuk calls you, it is definitely a great miracle.

                “What are you doing right now, Jonghyun?”

                “I just came home from office.  By the way, how did you know my name and my number?” Jonghyun sounds suspicious, but otherwise very much friendly.

                “Chill!  Well, I’m going to tell you how lucky you are.  I’m doing a Love-Shout-out segment on the radio.  You have an old friend who would like to speak to you here,” Leeteuk says, “Well, come on girl.  Take your time,” says Leeteuk, and Sakura quickly recognizes it as a sign for her to start up the conversation.

                “Well, hello Jonghyun,” she starts, sounds very shaky and unstable.

                “Hello?  Who’s there?” Jonghyun asks gently.

                “It’s Sakura here.  You remember me?” she asks.

                “Oh, yeah!  Sakura!  Hi!” Jonghyun sounds so bright on the line.

                “How are you doing now?” asks Sakura.

                “I’m doing great now.  I’m working.  You remember how I really want to be a software engineer.  Thank God, I got the job.  How about you?” he asks.

                “I’m fine too, still writing and yeah...perhaps I’m going to publish my book by the end of next month,” she tells him.

                “Advance congratulation on your debut as a writer.  Anyway, Sakura...it is good that you’re calling.  I’m about to-”

                “Jonghyun!” Sakura stops him.  The conversation suddenly comes to a halt.

                “Yes...why?” luckily, Jonghyun resumes the chat.

                “I hope it is still not too late to say something to you...”

                “Still not too late to say what?”

                “I love you, Jonghyun,” Sakura makes a heart to heart confession.  She has to be brave, she just has to.  This is the only way for him to know how much she loves him.

                However, it is suddenly very silent on the other side.  Sakura falls into the wordless situation too, which makes Leeteuk professionally handle the situation.

                “Ermmm...Jonghyun.  Are you still there?” he asks.

                “Oh, yes!  Yes!  I-I just...what was it j-just now, Sakura?” Jonghyun voices sounds very surprised, and Sakura could almost imagine his jaw hangs, on his handsome face.

                “I love you, Jonghyun.  I-I love you, really,” Sakura confesses from the deepest of her heart, just really want to make he knows it.

                “S-Sakura...I’m s-sorry.  I’m about to t-tell you that I’m getting m-married,” he says slowly, obviously trying to avoid shock from her side.  However, it is now her turn to fall into an utter silent.

                “Er...Sakura?” Leeteuk is doing his job again.

                “Oh, yes! I-I-” she stutters.

                “Sakura...I’m sorry.  I d-don’t know...I’m sorry, okay?” Jonghyun now sounds very much guilty.

                “Erm...no.  I am sorry.  Just now...w-what I said...erm...It just...It is just a joke!  Yes, a joke!  Haha!  I’m sorry.  Don’t you remember how I really love to joke before? Haha!” she fakes a laugh, but it sounds crack in the end.  She is about to cry, but she holds in everything.

                “Sakura...” Jonghyun tries to control the situation between them, “You should have told me earlier...”

                “Eh, no!  No!  I was joking!  Haha!” her voice is very much cracking now, “Congrats, okay!  Advanced congratulation on your wedding!  Haha!  Be happy!  Haha!” she should stop now before she bursts into tears on air.

                “Sakura...” Jonghyun is obviously doesn’t know how to continue.

                Sakura really wants to thanks the DJ for being the most understanding, that she needs help in controlling the situation.  Leeteuk quickly takes over the situation.

                “Oh...that is a very good conversation between two old friends.  The joke and all.  How warm it is!  I think that is all from Sakura and Jonghyun, right?” Leeteuk is giving a hint to her.

                “Yes!” she shouts before Jonghyun could say anything.

                “Yeah...so we’ll wait for the next caller after this song!  Enjoy!” DJ Leeteuk plays the song and Sakura disconnects her line.

                And at that time tears flow down her cheeks, and she knows that she is too late.



Love forever and last forever

Even if I put in my whole heart

You are something I can't grab

But I still like you

And I still really love you

Love needs to go on like this