Writing All Over the Place

Description: Jonghyun wants to write and be a hero.  Will he be able to do it?

Rating: PG-13 (for the cursing?)

Characters: Choi Seunghyun (BigBang), Choi Sooyoung (SNSD), Kim Jonghyun (SHINee), Park Gyuri (KARA), Yang Yoseob (Beast), Luna (f(x))

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in the fiction.  The story is only a narrative and does not involve any real life situation.  The whole plot of the story is written originally by myself.  If there's any similarity to other fictions, it is totally a coincidence.

If I am able to ease it for them, I will do it.  Unfortunately, it is out of my ability and all I could do is keep looking for a hole which will lead me the way.


The noise causes him to wake up and he finds himself still in his seat, in the lecture hall.  The students pack their things and some of them go to the professor, for the never-ending pursuit of knowledge, or just for the sake of an ‘A’.  Some of them find their friends, because they didn’t get to sit together earlier in class because one of them were late.  Some just flee, for food, for bathroom or simply to escape the reality that is so boring and repetitive for students like them.

Jonghyun takes time to realise it is the end of the lecture and he fell asleep throughout it, again.  He looks at his notepad, nothing but his scribble of two sentences, which are not even the notes from the class.  He sighs and he packs his things, silently curses himself for wasting another hour of class.  He should have listened to the professor, or a better suggestion, he should have not come at all.

“You sleep in the class again,” Seunghyun says.

“Yeah,” he shrugs it off.  He sees Sooyoung casting him a worried glance and Yoseob’s shoulders slump.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come at all,” Gyuri says, not in an angry tone but sympathy.

“Thanks, Gyuri.  I figured out that much already,” Jonghyun goes.

“So, we are going for lunch and after that you will go back to your apartment and sleep,” Luna suggests.

“Uh, I don’t know, Luna.  I think I have Fluid Dynamics after lunch,” Jonghyun says.

“You will score even if you don’t come to class, smart lad,” Yoseob says.  Jonghyun rolls his eyes.

“It is a quiz day today, in case you forget,” he says.

“Missing one quiz doesn’t mean you can’t get an A,” Sooyoung goes.

“Thanks, but my dad wants an A+,” Jonghyun replies while zipping his bag.  He flings it to his shoulder and moves quickly to the door, “Are we going for lunch or not?”

+++++

At the end of the day, Jonghyun sits on a bench overlooking a huge pond with ducks swimming in it.  The sight of the water lily floating on the not-very-clear water eases his tired brain.  He smiles listening to his I Pod, to some random piano covers he legally downloads from some random websites.
He takes out his notepad from his school bag and stares at the two sentences he wrote in the lecture this morning.  He also takes out a few textbooks, so thick that they hurt his shoulder everyday carrying them.  Jonghyun doesn’t have the intention to study, not at all.  Instead, he opens the three textbooks into respective pages, where he wrote down some ideas.  He puts them all together in the notepad until they form a plot that makes sense, at least to him.

It is not the first time he faced rejection.  Not even the umpteenth times.  It is his second time, and the worst part about this time is that he has to face it together with the news of his mother’s death.  Perhaps there really is something worse than hell, and this might be it.

His mother had been his inspiration since he was young.  His mother was the one that told him that he can tell story to the world, to make people realise happiness does exist in reality.  His mother was the one that encouraged him to publish his own book and to stand in the same line with writers like J. R. R. Tolkien and J. K. Rowling and Dan Brown and etc.  His mother is gone and his second draft of fiction is rejected and the world still doesn’t end.

Maybe God wants him to try one more time.

Jonghyun wanted to enrol in writing, but what he doesn’t understand is now he is a junior in engineering in his university.  His dad has forced him to take major in engineering and minor in business and by the time he graduates, he has to take over the company.  His mom didn’t disagree with his dad, but told him that he can write while doing engineering at the same time.  He can’t believe that he agreed to that.

When Jonghyun started to be serious in writing his own fiction, his dad showed no sign of objection.  Maybe he knows that he had forced Jonghyun too much in fulfilling his needs or maybe he simply doesn’t care, as long as Jonghyun still takes the path he had shown.  So, Jonghyun has sort of letting himself to be ignorant about his dad too, as if he and his dad exist in two different worlds.
But then, Jonghyun’s first draft was rejected.  It is a story about a son and a father who lived their lives in hatred towards each other.  He told himself that very second that God was punishing him for revealing bad things about his dad.  Surprisingly, his dad was the one consoling him, telling that the reality is not always about harshness, it can be about happiness, just depending on how you view it to be.  His mom told him to not give up.

His second draft is a sci-fi.  This time, Jonghyun sold solely his imagination.  It is not the story of his life, or someone else’s.  He completely made a brand new character, who tried to save the world.  The publisher returns his draft and says that it is too perfect and impossible to be real.  Jonghyun would cut her throat if he had a chance, but right after that, his phone rang and his dad told him that his mom just passed away.  He felt like the world weighed down on him, not just because he lost his only inspiration, but because he wondered how much time he has left.

“You’ve been thinking,” Luna’s voice brings Jonghyun back to reality.

“Oh, hi Luna,” he greets her.

“Writing again?” she asks.  He smiles.

“I’ll make sure this time I won’t be rejected,” he says.

“I’m sorry…you know…about your mother,” Luna says and she throws a pebble into the pond and the ducks swim away.

“Don’t be.  I would wish for her death too, rather than seeing her in that comatose state, hanging between life and death.  Seems a bit too much for me,” Jonghyun states.

“But, you didn’t wish for that.  You wanted her to be alive,” Luna gives in.

“Well…that time I had hope.  But, now that she’s gone, I think it is quite logic that she is dead.  I mean it was a fatal car crash.  The other driver was dead on scene.  My mom survived but was left in coma and to me, she is better being dead.  Less suffering, at least,” Jonghyun sighs.

“I can’t say more.  I can’t put myself in your shoe,” Luna replies.  Jonghyun laughs.

“Perhaps it is more logic to die from a car accident rather than die from a cancer when you always lead a healthy life,” Jonghyun says, “But God always has His reason and I believe His intentions are always good.”

For a moment, it is quiet.  Only the sounds of duck quacking and people around them chatting and laughing.

“How’s your dad taking it?” asks Luna.

“Worse than I am.  I feel bad for him,” Jonghyun provides.  Luna smiles.

“It is good to know that you and your dad are in a good term,” she says.  Jonghyun laughs.

“I hate it when that happens. I hate it when I start to like what he wants me to do.  I hate it when I start to try my best in trying to fulfil his dream, to take over the company,” he tells her.

“Well, I thought you would be happy that you come to like engineering at last,” says Luna.

“I thought so, Luna.  But now I’m thinking, I won’t be able to do it no matter how hard I try, will I?” Jonghyun rests his case.


A hero doesn’t have to be perfect.  He could be weak with all his sidekicks stronger than him.  But, he is still the one that initiates the moves and is the mastermind of all.

+++++

Seunghyun is out, working as a supervisor at the gym.  Students oftentimes work on-campus.  Most of them with the same reason, to gain money to hang out with friends or to get some cool stuff very up-to-date with the latest so-called teen’s needs.  But, Jonghyun knows that Seunghyun doesn’t work for that.  Seunghyun just wants something to do, something that is different than a student’s life full with lectures and books.

Yoseob on the other hand tries to get out from reality by totally drowning himself in games.  He can punch the buttons on the controller for twenty-four hours straight, without food, without sleep.  Seeing his apartment-mates distracting themselves from the tiring reality, although not really escaping, Jonghyun thinks he has to find something to run away from the reality too.  Or he already had, by writing himself as a hero in his third draft.

“Hey, Yoseob,” Jonghyun calls nonchalantly.

“Hey, Jonghyun,” Yoseob says in the same, boring tone.  His eyes are still on the TV screen and his fingers are dancing vigorously at the controller.

“Tell me.  What is your hero-type?” Jonghyun asks, more like forcing Yoseob to give an answer.

“Huh?”

“I said, what is your hero-type?”

“You mean?”  Yoseob could be pretending he doesn’t understand, while he actually doesn’t hear his friend, too absorbed in the game.  But, Jonghyun knows best that Yoseob won’t ever put his friends after his game, ever.  So, he rephrases his own question.

“You know, if you are ever being given a chance to be a superhero and choose your own power and how you want to look like, what choice will you make?” he asks.  Yoseob puts the game at pause.

“Well, I want to be Legolas,” Yoseob answers immediately.  Jonghyun laughs.  He expects his best friend to give a character from the games he always plays.  To become like one of all-time favourite characters from Lord of the Rings is something bizarre coming from Yoseob.

“Why Legolas?” Jonghyun asks again.

“He is handsome and an accurate killer.  You see, he is so style with his bow and arrows and he is very fast in action.  Not to forget, he has sense of sight and hearing which human envy so much.  But, above all, he is beautiful and immortal.  Isn’t he perfect?” Yoseob states the answer.  Jonghyun smiles.

“He is,” he replies, “Because he can live long.”


He might not be as perfect as Legolas, but he is a plan-it-all.  He just needs to narrate and all will be under his control with helps from his loyal friends.


“What about you Jonghyun?  What type of superpower do you want to have?” Yoseob asks.

“I just want to be able to control things around me, including humans, to whom God has given free will to live, to make choice.  If I am able to control things that are going to happen, it seems like I am the most powerful, am I right?”

“But, such thing is out of norm, right?  I mean, you can control things that are going to happen by controlling yourself, not others.  Abusing the power of controlling others can make you become greedy, and if that happens, you are no longer a hero but a villain,” Yoseob provides.

“You are right, Yoseob.  For a hero to make a greater good, he must learn how to control himself, so that will lead others to bring forward the goodness he radiates,” Jonghyun agrees.

+++++

Gyuri calls them for dinner on Wedensday.  Gyuri shares apartment with Sooyoung and Luna, right next door to apartment shared by Jonghyun, Seunghyun and Yoseob.  It has been their unwritten tradition that the girls will cook on Wednesday and invite the guys for dinner.  The guys will have their turn on Thursday.  The other days are up to them to take-out from Burger King or to heat up microwave food for themselves.

Jonghyun runs from the class to the apartment.  The weather works against him.  Jonghyun doesn’t hate snow, but the winter wind sometimes feel like stinging his fingers and numbing his feet to the point he doesn’t even know his feet have ever existed.  Sometimes he feels like his nose has fallen off his face.  His skin dries up and turns purple and his lips always bleed and stain his teeth red, like a vampire.  But, he never hates winter.  He likes it although he can never stand the cold.

He knocks on the door, then rubs his palm together and blows what left of his hot breath onto them.  He hopes whoever behind the cheesecake-colour door will open in quickly.  As though his prayer is answered that instant, the door is opened, revealing Gyuri smiling ever so sweetly to him.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi, Gyuri,” Jonghyun looks at her with pleading eyes, hoping that she will let him in to enjoy the heat from the heater.

“You are early,” Gyuri says, “It is supposed to be six-thirty.  Now is six-fifteen,” Gyuri states.

“I know.  Got straight here from my quiz section, all my students seem to finish the quiz early today.  Let me in, will ya?” Jonghyun likes working as a TA.  He feels a bit ahead of others.

“Oh, right.  Come in,” she quickly pulls the door wide open.  The wind rushes in and she quickly closes the door once Jonghyun is in.

“Can I use the bathroom?” asks Jonghyun, just to make sure nobody is in the bathroom.  The last time he wanted to use the bathroom, he almost encountered Sooyoung sitting on the toilet but she shouted so loud that he had to close the door immediately.  But, she was enraged by the incident that he was forgiven only after two months of apologizing.

“Nobody’s back yet.  Use it as long as you want,” says Gyuri and Jonghyun immediately jumps to conclusion that the dinner today is cooked solely by Gyuri.

He goes into the bathroom and turns on the tap and enjoys the warm water on his fingers.  Then, he washes his face.  He looks at his reflection in the mirror and quickly, he rinses his mouth with water.  His teeth are stained red again.  He fishes a chapstick from his jeans pocket and quickly applies it to his lips.  He looks just fine again.  He walks back to the living room finding a mug of hot peppermint-choc on the table.

“You know.  If it is too cold, you can always take the shuttle.  Don’t walk in the cold.  You are never good with it,” Gyuri says from the kitchen.

“I would rather run than have to wait for a shuttle in the cold,” Jonghyun replies.

“Call us then.  At least one of us must be able to offer you a ride,” Gyuri offers.

“I’m afraid I might just bother you guys,” he says.  One thing he is really afraid of, being a burden to others until the end of his life.

“No, Jonghyun.  You are our friend and we are glad to help you when you are in need,” she says.  Jonghyun nods.


When people imagine a hero, people imagine someone with good body built.  What if a hero is someone very thin and pale but he is a strategist?  And all he wants to say to people in this world is ‘I am glad to help you when you are in need.’  But people don’t notice that because he doesn’t look hero.  But he still have his sidekicks that can finish his job, isn’t it?


Jonghyun glances at the clock hanging on the wall, showing the time, showing how short life is, and showing how every second with his friend and family is damn important.

“Do you need help in anything?” Jonghyun asks Gyuri, feeling bored waiting for the others.

“I’m done with cooking, but I need to clean the kitchen.  Maybe you can help me with the utensils in the sink?” that is more of a statement.

Jonghyun jumps onto his feet.  He walks to the kitchen and begins with pouring detergent onto the bowl.

“I’m glad to help you when you are in need,” Jonghyun says.

“I’m sorry, but did you just repeat what I said?” Gyuri smiles.

“I don’t think I did,” he replies.

“Because that sounds so familiar to me,” she says and both of them laugh.

Jonghyun use the sponge to absorb detergent-y water and scrubs the oil off the pan.  The way the small sponge absorbs a lot of water never fails to amaze him, never.

“People say that brain works like sponge.  It absorbs and absorbs until it is full,” Jonghyun starts.

“Quite true.  Our brain is amazing.  It absorbs a lot of things and sometimes old things that you had once forgotten just pop-out again.  Our brain continues absorbing,” Gyuri says.

“But, sponge cleans stain.  Does brain?” Jonghyun looks at the clean plates that it reflects back his own reflection.

“Should be.  But, human choose to use it to stain others.  Corruption and never-ending war and lies and whatever stains you can think of.  We don’t use it as wisely as we use sponge,” Gyuri says and she sighs after that.

“One thing that I am very sure of.  Some sponges can have moulds grow on them, and so do some brains,” Jonghyun says and he leaves Gyuri in question mark.

+++++

“You literally write on your MacBook.  As in write ‘write’,” Seunghyun says and that surprises Jonghyun.  Seunghyun comes out of nowhere from his back.

“Well, you are the one who told me to write on my MacBook,” Jonghyun replies.

“I mean write as in type in your MacBook,” Seunghyun tries to talk some sense to Jonghyun.

“You said ‘write’ two months ago.  As much as I am expecting my memory to deplete, it just doesn’t.  I still can remember you say ‘Hey Jonghyun, go write using your MacBook’ and I just did what I was told.  What’s the big deal?” Jonghyun asks back.  His apartment-mate has been nagging and Jonghyun thinks he is going to miss that.

“That is still considered as writing all over the place.  You are still writing all over the place, although I could say more controllable,” Seunghyun states.

Jonghyun always write everywhere whenever some ideas just pop-out for his fiction.  On the wall, on the table, on different pages of his textbook, on Seunghyun’s bed, on Yoseob’s cereal’s box (although Yoseob doesn’t give a shit about it), and on everywhere he could reach, just name it.  Although he will always erase it back when he collects the idea and put it in his notepad, Seunghyun just doesn’t like the idea of Jonghyun writing all over the place.

“It is my MacBook, Seunghyun.  And I will erase it once I assemble all the idea.  Oh, how long have you known me?” Jonghyun stops typing and looks deeply into his friend’s eyes.

“Well, I am sorry if I annoy you, man.  But, I gave you the voice recorder for your birthday.  You can always record your idea.  Easy, just speak into it,” Seunghyun suggests.  Jonghyun sighs.

“Some things are better left unspoken, because when you speak it out, it will be less meaningful,” Jonghyun states.

Seunghyun feels like he is just being slap on his cheeks.  What Jonghyun says is very true.  He feels shameful and he doesn’t know is it because of Jonghyun’s words or he just feel shameful of himself.

“So, you choose to write,” Seunghyun makes a statement.

“Exactly,” Jonghyun nods.

“What is it about this time?” he asks.

“You’ll know, Seunghyun.  One day.”


Sometimes, strength is not shown physically.  But, that doesn’t mean one is weak.  A hero might have a mental strength stronger than everyone else and is able to put himself and others under control.

+++++

It is like another ordinary day where he wakes up with a headache and when he gets down from his bed he feels like he can’t even balance himself on his two legs.  The Earth is like jelly and he is surprised he is able to make it to class.  When the lecturer wraps up his class, Jonghyun feels like throwing a congratulation party to himself for being able to stay awake for the lesson.

He makes his way out on his wobbly legs and trips on his own legs even, just lucky not to make contact with the hard concrete beneath them.  He keeps his face down and covers himself with his hoodie, and people will think he is just having a hangover, while the truth is he just never drinks.  He leads a healthy life, doesn’t he?  He doesn’t smoke, doesn’t involve in sex, doesn’t drink, doesn’t take drugs and eats healthy food.  So, why the hell is he feeling so shit now?

“Hey, hey, Jonghyun!” he feels like falling but then he’s not.  God, is he high?

“W-what?” he manages to say after a while.  He opens his eyes, and he doesn’t even have any idea when the hell he even closed them.  He is walking, isn’t he?  Or was?

“You look like shit,” his stupid brain tells him that it is Sooyoung’s voice and he knows he gets it right when his vision focuses on the girl’s face.

“Oh, thanks Sooyoung,” he says.  He doesn’t know whether he is being sarcastic or he really wants to thank her for noticing it.

“You have no idea, Jonghyun.  You scare the shit out of me.  You were falling at the staircase.  You could have injured your head,” Sooyoung says.

So, he was at the staircase.  Where the hell is he now?  He looks around and he knows immediately that he is on a bench at the side of the hallway.  He is leaning against the cold wall.  That makes him feel slightly better actually.

“I’m tired, Sooyoung,” he means it.  He doesn’t realise how exhausted he has been until he says that very word.

“So…going home?” Sooyoung could be asking, but Jonghyun knows better that it is more like an instruction.  He nods.

“I’ll take you home,” Sooyoung says and she rounds her arm across his shoulder and she is terrified of how thin he is.


Like Batman and Robin, a hero will always have at least a sidekick.  However, it is better to have sidekicks stronger than the hero, but are also nothing without the hero.  That way, they will always need each other.


Jonghyun never fancies the idea of walking beside Sooyoung because God knows how embarrassing it is when a girl is taller than him.  But, this time he will have to let her walk him home, because he doesn’t know where he will end up walking alone.  When he gets to his apartment, he just let himself collapses on the couch.

“You have to explain to me, Jonghyun,” Sooyoung says.  Her eyes are boring into his and Jonghyun wants to look away.

“What?” he asks.

“Well, something is very wrong with you,” Sooyoung says.

“I was drunk, okay?  On a bottle of vodka,” he lies.

“I know you don’t take alcohol,” she says.

“What if I did take it?” Jonghyun still goes with the same reason.

“I know you didn’t,” she says through gritted teeth.

“Jeez, Sooyoung.  I can never lie to you.  Okay.  I stayed up the whole night,” Jonghyun says.

“Yes, Jonghyun.  And Yoseob says it has been for three days straight.  Are you trying to kill yourself?” she seems angry.

“I want to write, when the idea is pouring like Nevada Waterfall,” he states.

“You can always wait for another day, Jonghyun.  You don’t even have a due date for that,” Sooyoung talks some sense into him.

“Oh, you don’t know Sooyoung.  I do have a due date.  And I can never finish my story after that,” Jonghyun says.

“When?  Two months from now?  One month from now?” Sooyoung is frustrated, maybe because her friend doesn’t know how to take care of himself.

“That’s the problem.  Even I don’t know the due date.  It can be anytime from now.”

+++++

The day when Jonghyun decides to give up, it is really meant for him to give up.  He shuts down his laptop, so as his system.


A hero only gives up when he exhales his last breath.  A hero gives up when he closes his eyes for the last time.  A hero gives up when his brain is no longer functioning.

+++++

It is a story of a guy, who was so devastated after the tragic death of his mother.  If only he could ease her pain, he would do it, but he can’t because he was only a small boy, a normal human.   But, on the day he realised all the story that he wrote will come to reality, he smiled again.  He knew it was out of his power to avoid death (to him it was sort of like destined), but he wanted to ease the pain for those who were going to die.  He had friends, all doctor, engineer, lawyer, teacher and entrepreneur.  They did all the jobs, and he wrote it down.  He wrote a story of a teacher who raise funds at school for those with terminal disease, a story of a lawyer who discuss the right for organ transplanting, an engineer who invents machines to save lives, an entrepreneur who is so rich and oftentimes donates for those who need and a doctor who saves lives and eases the pain of passing.  But the guy who wrote had a father who wanted him to be part of the job, not the one who wrote it down.  He was sorry that he couldn’t fulfil that.  He was really sorry.

That book is written in a series.  Jonghyun had it done in series, because the story is long and it touches to the deepest of their heart.  Jonghyun must be so sure that it won’t get rejected and it is true.  The first book of the series which he had sent it to the publisher got accepted, and he was not there to celebrate it.

All this while, they thought when he slept in class, he was dealing with the rejection of his draft.  All this while, they thought the headache was because he stayed up very late at night finishing another draft of book.  But, Jonghyun wasn’t lying, was he?  He really was rejected and he did stay up to finish his draft.  He wasn’t lying.  It is only the fact that he didn’t tell them the truth about how he is fighting for his life.  He is gone, but they are proud of him, because he wrote the whole series in a few months not like Eddie in Limitless, who took powerful pills, but when he was in so much pain.

He gave the honour to send the draft of the second book of the series to Luna.  Luna cries her heart out.  She should have known when they were having the conversation.  He said he won’t be able to fulfil his father’s dream no matter how hard he tries.  ‘But now I’m thinking, I won’t be able to do it no matter how hard I try, will I?’  She should have known.

Jonghyun gave the honour to send the draft of the third book of the series to Yoseob.  Yoseob promises to himself that he will not disappoint his friend.  He is angry with himself because he should have known when Jonghyun agreed Legolas is perfect because he is immortal.  ‘He is, because he can live long.’  He should have known.

Gyuri is given the honour to send the draft of the third book of the series.  Gyuri accepts the honour but she is the worst of them to handle the lost.  She tells herself that she should have known when Jonghyun talked about the sponge with her.  ‘Some sponges can have moulds grow on them, and so do some brains.’  She should have known.

The draft of the fourth book of the series is now under Seunghyun’s responsibility.  Seunghyun knows that how much he wants to curse, it won’t bring Jonghyun back.  He can’t believe he was oblivious.  He should have known when he asked Jonghyun what the story is about.  ‘You’ll know, Seunghyun.  One day.’  He should have known.

When Sooyoung is given the responsibility to send the draft of the fifth book, her knees become weak and she sinks to the ground.  She should have known when Jonghyun talked about the due date for the draft.  ‘Even I don’t know the due date.  It can be anytime from now.’  She should have known.

Jonghyun is still a good son.  He gave the honour to send the draft of the final book of the series to his father.  He is proud and sad at the same time.

To Luna, Yoseob, Gyuri, Seunghyun and Sooyoung.

This is our story.

To Dad.

I am sorry.

__________

heaDeVil^23

Mood: Lazy. And happy, because this time, it is all my biases again.